So if you’ve been following along lately, you might know I’ve been slogging my way through the films of Michael Bay. And the centerpiece of that project has been an ungodly amount of time spent watching and writing about Transformers. So it brings me no joy to say that I’m back at it again. Transformers One, the eighth film in the Bay-produced Transformers franchise, is also the first Transformers film since the 1986 animated feature that is explicitly for children.
It’s kinda crazy that it took this long, to be perfectly honest. Imagine some kid out there whose parents refused to take him to see the 2007 film because they thought it was too violent. Seventeen years later, he’s probably stewing with impotent rage that the Transformers film he’d always wanted is finally here, and he is very much not the target audience. That’s life, I guess.
But Transformers One is supposedly a part of that same series of films, right? Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg are both listed as producers. It comes from the Paramount brain trust set up after Age of Extinction to create a whole shared universe of Transformers media. (It’s how we got Bumblebee and Rise of the Beasts, neither of which I plan on covering anytime soon.) As I understand it, the plan is for this to be the start of an animated trilogy explaining how Optimus Prime and Megatron became mortal enemies whose war would eventually destroy their entire planet. You know, for kids!
Am I really going to explain the plot of Transformers One? The Big Book of Movie Review Rules says I have to, or else you won’t know what the hell I’m talking about. *big sigh* Here we go…
Three billion years1 before the events of the 2007 Transformers, the planet Cybertron is a bustling behemoth that runs on Energon, basically the life essence of the entire planet. Energon once flowed freely before the Matrix of Leadership disappeared, forcing its citizens to mine it themselves. This is where we meet our heroes Orion Pax (voice of Chris Hemsworth) and D-16 (voice of Brian Tyree Henry), two miners who lack the ability to transform like the higher-ups in society. Orion and D-16 are, of course, Optimus Prime and Megatron, but they don’t know that yet. They’re just lowly miners who yearn for a better station in life. And they get it when they discover that their hero, Sentinel Prime (Jon Hamm), is a turncoat who’s working with a rival race of tentacle monsters to steal the planet’s lifeforce. How Orion and D-16 react to this news sends them on diverging paths: One will eventually learn what it takes to become a leader and inspiration to others (namely Scarlett Johansson’s Elita and Keegan-Michael Key’s Bee), while the other goes crazy, recruits basically every iconic Decepticon in the book (including a very fun Steve Buscemi as Starscream) and sets out to kill everyone responsible for ruining his life.
All the quest stuff feels pretty simple and standard, at times like they just took the beginning of The LEGO Movie and scratched all the names out. Which is fine. Transformers ain’t no Shakespeare, but recognizing that gives them the freedom to simply tell a fun story. And for the most part it’s very fun. I’m not gonna sit here and act like I’m above enjoying a fun animated movie. The tone and humor is pitched to a younger crowd than the mainline Michael Bay films, but that’s also absolutely the right call. It never dumbs itself down too far, but keeps things light and breezy for what could otherwise have been a grim story of two friends having a falling out that eventually will end the world.
I don’t want to waste time talking about the nuances of the plot, or the inevitable heel turn of the best character in the movie, or the litany of Transformers easter eggs peppered through the film for die hard fans of the series. (I’m not a Transformers guy, but I assume they’re there.) Because at the end of the day, this film really isn’t for me. And I’m okay with that. Last year’s animated Ninja Turtles movie, Mutant Mayhem, wasn’t for me either, but it was still a fun, invigorating time at the movies. When done right, updating a seasoned franchise can satisfy fans young and old. It’s not my thing, but from folks I’ve talked to, it’s an unqualified success. Who am I to argue?
So it may not be for me, but ya know who the movie is for? The kid sitting next to me who sat forward in rapt attention through the entire movie, pumping his fist whenever we met a new familiar face, practically jumping out of his seat when our heroes finally got the power to transform. This was 100% a movie for him, and in those moments, I was happy for him. That kid got exactly the Transformers movie he was hoping for, and if it succeeds at the box office (like I’m sure it will), he’ll be back in a couple years ready for the next one.
That’s as it should be. The movies are back, baby!
Leave a comment